I just got shocked because of one of my friends.
He is actually my ex's friend as well.

I asked him a question about my ex right after when we broke up because I hope I can get any information from him. And the fact is he got it but he didn't want to tell me.
He said that the reason is if he told me the situation can be changed, better or worse.
Moreover, he consider that it is kind of privacy to keep that from me.
But, he asked me to ask him again when the situation already calms down.. like few more days later.
So I asked him just now which is 1 more week later and he finally told me...

He said that when he asked my ex about his feeling,
my ex said that 'dia masih sayang aku sebenarnya'.
My friend looks so afraid because of he told me that.
He even messaged me after that telling why he didn't want to tell me in the very beginning.
He also asked me not to tell my ex that he said it to me.

Should I happy?
Should I believe that?
Is that true?
Because that is the opposite words from my ex told me.
Dia bilang ke aku waktu kita putus kalau dia mungkin udah gak sayang aku lagi.
Or.. is that just a reason to break up easier?
DAMMIT!!
I'm so confused now.
I want to believe that what my friend said about him was true.
But, I see the fact not like that...
I saw that he is enjoying his days so much.
I felt like he got his freedom back and thanked for it.
Is his feeling not matter for him?
Did he think that the situation and condition around are more important than our feelings? huhuhu...
I wish I can ask this question to him.

arghhh... now I really regret why I said yes so quick that time!
Yeah.. now, it is too late! Nothing can happen anymore even that words were true.
urghhhhh...!!!
Guess where am I?
Changi International Airport...

I've been here since 6.00 am and now is 9.25 am. Fiuhhh...
I came from Melbourne and now I'm waiting for my next flight to Solo, my hometown.
I dunno what to do anymore so here I am, blogging. hahaha...

I'll tell you when I start this trip. wakakaka..
My flight this time is really the worse flight I've ever had.
Starting from yesterday...
My flight from Melbourne to Singapore was at 1.05 am at 21st November.
And you know what? I can still watched movies at 4pm at 20 November in Melbourne Central which is in city. The movie was new moon. I decided to watch it with my friends because I don't think I can make it in Indo. I know the movie will be so crowded in Indo because it's so popular. And I don't want to bother to queue along the way since morning in Indo cinemas. Moreover, there is no one I can ask to watch with cos most of my friends still get uni.

Yeah.. so after watching the movie like about 6.30, I thought I will go home.
But then, one of my friends that I went with, the one who brought the car and the one who took me to the aiport decided to stay in the city first to shop and eat with others first. There, I started to be panic. But everyone said it's ok, we will go back to clayton at 8.30pm and at 10pm we will go to the airport. But, the fact and I know it already.. we were late. I just got home like 9.30 and I haven't finished packing, haven't got shower. So I shower so fast, trying to pack everything while waiting my hair to be dried. And you know, I was sweating because the weather is so hot and I had a lot things to do that time. I felt like there was no point I got shower. hahaha...

And we left home like 10.15 at last... but I haven't checked in. Cos usually I always do online check-in so I don't need to be in the airport so early. But, this time I can't do it I don't know why. Luckily, we made it on time to the airport. The queue line for check-in is so long even the immigration and the gst refund. haha.. I need to claim the gst coz my friend in indo asked me to buy Iphone for him. But it didn't matter. The problem was I forgot to ask for window seat so I end up seating really in the middle middle. And you know what? I was surrounded by 'orang bawang' and the seat was in the back of the plane. Yeah.. really in the back, like 3 rows from the last seat. When I saw it, I automatically swearing (dalem hati kok, ga disebutin).. hahaha... And the worse part, I can't sleep if I don't sit in the window seat. So, I can't sleep well in the plane and my body now so painful because I can't move a lot in the plane. hahaha... Moreover, I forgot to bring my other wallet which contains my IDR and SGD and all of my Indonesian card. fiuhhh.... Next time I won't go watching movies with a lot of people.

The next disaster was... the plane was in turbulance situation for about 1 hour.
Can you imagine that? The plane was shaking and moving every time for 1 hour. I felt dizzy and want to puke already that time. Can't even sleep because of that condition in that time. Really lucky ya? I never feel turbulance before. And that 1 hour made my flight and my body more worse. Fortunately, the movie was good so I have something to do to spend the time.

I arrived in Singapore at 6am and just realized that my next flight is at 10.40pm. I was like wondering what should I do in the airport for 4 hours, even it is changi. haha.. Even my flight schedule hasn't been in the timetable monitor an hour ago. hahaha...
And... more problems were coming....
First, I got stomachache every 1 hour. So I need to go to toilet very often. *sighh...
Second, the Internet is so slow. I brought my laptop in the cabin so I can use it here cos it is wireless everywhere. That is the good part of changi airport. haha.. wireles is free everywhere. I don't know what to do anymore. Shopping already but don't feel want to buy something. haha.. So I choose to streaming amazing race. But... omg! It is so slow, it need like 20 minutes to buffer 1 video. huhuhuhu... so I'm blogging while I'm waiting the video is buffering. hehehe...
Third, I already miss Melbourne... I haven't even arrived Indo but I do miss Melbourne already. hahaha.. Am I weird?? ;p

So, those reasons enough to make me said that the flight this time is the worse flight I've ever had yeah? Hope there is no more flight like this or worse that this next time.

OK! Finally boarding time. hehe.. I need to go to toilet again first then I think I just go to my gate and streaming there. hahaha... I really can't live without my laptop ^-^
Wish me luck and wish I have the safe flight!
I don't feel wanna go home tomorrow.
I don't feel want to pack my things.
Three and a half months feel so long now.

Why?


Because I feel that I will be so lonely there.
Feel I will remember 'it' every time I'm alone.
I just want to stay here with my friends,
doing many activities together,
laughing together,
and when I feel sad, I know there is someone beside me,
so I won't feel alone.


I know my family and friends there are waiting for me as well,
but...
I just feel doesn't want to go there.


Maybe it reminds me to 'that' memories.
Memories that used to make me happy.
I got a worth experience from it,
learnt something from it,
and it made me maturer and tougher now.


And...
even it had been made me sad and cry.
I still want to keep that memories.
Deep inside my heart and my mind.
For future... for learning... for me...
Because it's precious.


But, now...
Trying not to think about that first.
Life must go on!
"So Sick"

Gotta change my answering machine
Now that I'm alone
Cause right now it says that we
Can't come to the phone
And I know it makes no sense
Cause you walked out the door
But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore
(it's ridiculous)
It's been months
And for some reason I just
(can't get over us)
And I'm stronger than this
(enough is enough)
No more walking round
With my head down
I'm so over being blue
Crying over you

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Gotta fix that calendar I have
That's marked July 15th
Because since there's no more you
There's no more anniversary
I'm so fed up with my thoughts of you
And your memory
And how every song reminds me
Of what used to be

That's the reason I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

(Leave me alone)
Leave me alone
(Stupid love songs)
Don't make me think about his smile
Or having my first child
I'm letting go
Turning off the radio

Cause I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing he was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

Said I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishing he was still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
So why can't I turn off the radio?

And I'm so sick of love songs
So tired of tears
So done with wishin' you were still here
Said I'm so sick of love songs so sad and slow
Why can't I turn off the radio?


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I really really miss him,
but,
one fact,
hard to confess but true.
He's not mine anymore!