Okay, I don't where and how to start.
What I am feeling lately, I am actually enjoying the days.
I had graduation ceremony and my birthday, as well as job to do so it keeps me busy,
but still I can't get rid of it.

It's about him.
The most unpredictable guy I've ever met... really...
So random, strange, harsh but can be so kind, friendly and sweet too.
The fact that he is smart and manly makes him more attractive.
What the hell, right?
I am just be able to figure it out lately because I've been watching and caring for him lately,
and it's just because of some of my friends praise him so I am curious whether it's right or not.
Maybe I shouldn't do that because it's just... I don't know, something is not right.
We shouldn't be like this, nope... I should't be like this.
I shouldn't have this feeling,
I shouldn't start seeing him from different view,
I shouldn't observe him,
I shouldn't care for him... ever,
I should stay still on the way I used to be and everything should be the same like before.
But, it's not. Everything is changed I guess....

Because now, I have jealousy...
For him... yeah for him...
Sometimes, I entertain myself by telling that they are texting each other every day every time except when they sleep, because he feels comfortable with her and he likes to speak and do something with her because she likes things that are challenging so they can do some crazy things together. Also, because of my best friend who is also his best friend said to me that he's an unusual person. He won't fall for a girl that he's already comfortable with, he's not that type of person. If he's been talking with a girl for a long time, for everything, he won't be in a relationship with her. So, it makes me calm... sometimes but I am close to him as well so I am talking to him too, so?? Hehhh??

The worst part is one of my guy friends which is my 'that (referring to my best friend above)' best friend's boyfriend (read slowly if you get confused) said to me "If you do like or love someone, then you will at least put effort on her/him. You won't just leave her/him, you are willing to stay close to her/him. You won't be just satisfied by talking to her/him once, you want to stay in touch."

Ohhhh.... nooo! That words, that time, from his mouth went through my ears, absorbed to my head, transfered to my brain, get analyzed and gave me a great shock. Of course I was because it means that I really entertain myself for giving me a fake hope. STUPID!

I have no idea what I should do now.
I have no idea how he looks at me now.
It's not that he avoids me or stays back from me,
even sometimes he flirts with me, but I know it means nothing for him.
He often done that since I knew him.
How am I be able to stay away from him then?
Practically, I am close to him and we're in the same circle of friends so we meet often.

See? I should never see or interested in him.... at all!
Especially that he used to be my best mate.
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3 Responses
  1. oneeye Says:

    the easiest way and fastest way, just to avoid complication, which i usually do, i would ask that person if she likes me or not. just like that asap. and if the answer is no, then all my heart problems would lift up and i just move on. if the answer is yes, the it would really be complicated, cause you have to make sacrifices etc etc

  2. Marcia Agata Says:

    well, it's not that easy...

  3. oneeye Says:

    as you get older, it should be easier. forget about the romantic parts and straight to the question of like or no like